I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
