Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
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