my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
