HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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