do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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