Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
