Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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