I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
pray to the hookup gods
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
