I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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