So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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