god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
