Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
babies were throwing up all over the place
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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