That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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