i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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