nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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