Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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