oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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