Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
