I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
