I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
