I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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