you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I did not marry a roomba.
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