I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
