I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
