Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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