Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Is her dick bigger than yours?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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