I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
