i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
