Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Randomize
