My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
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He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize