Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Banned from zoo.
Again?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Success! We fucked roommates!
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
