Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
