im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
