I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
