oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
