I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize