I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
