sorry about calling you the devil all night.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
