I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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