She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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