It's a beautiful day for a hangover
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Oh god it's open bar.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
