went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He's on the porch naked. Help.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
