I puked a lego.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
