Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
we made out on top of his cat.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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