Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
