Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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