I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
This is the high leading the old right now
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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