I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
