my shit smells like andre
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
