Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Randomize
