The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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