Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
