whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
