My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
smell my finger.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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