Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
