We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
