That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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