How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I forgot wine drunk hurts
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You ruined the universe
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
