based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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