what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
