remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
