Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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