fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
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