So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
