I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
